How To Annoy The Akatsuki
by Heartaches-by-the-Number
Summary: A long list of how to annoy the famous AKATSUKI!


**How To Annoy The Akatsuki**

**A/N: I don't know if this has already been done, but my self and my friends felt like composing a list of how to annoy the Akatsuki. They each have separate sections; Some characters have more reasons than others, however at the end theres a list of how to annoy 'The Whole Lot'. **

**Note: We didn't come up with all of these, but they are just to funny not to be put down. **

**Disclaimer: I own nothing of Naruto whatsoever. :(**

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**Itachi:**

Remind him constantly that little Sasuke was KAWAI!

Keep Repeating The Phrase ' You lack Hatred'

Ask him why he killed his clan.

If he tells you, answer with 'Why?'

Every morning tell him to take his happy pills.

Always try to persuade him to taken anger management classes to get rid of his 'Negative Energy'

Run around like a wild maniac.

Run around like a wild maniac with Deidara.

(Whether female or male) Self proclaim yourself to be his one true love.

Buy a ring and tell everyone he proposed.

Put eyeliner on him when he sleeps and when he finds in tell him he looks 'Smexy'

Scratch a smiley face on his forehead protector.

Ask him if he wants Hidan to pray for his soul.

Buy an annoying puppy for Itachi; Call him Sasuke.

Refer to him as the 'Uchiha Prodigy' ALL the time.

Get Sasori to make an 'Itachi' puppet

Play with the puppet in front of him

Tell him that he 'Missed a spot' when referring to Itachi leaving Sasuke alive.

Sing 'Your A Mean One, Mr Grinch' whenever in Itachi's presence. Example Of Lyrics:

_'I wouldn't touch you, with a  
thirty-nine-and-a-half foot pole._

_You're a vile one, Mr. Grinch.  
You have termites in your smile.  
You have all the tender sweetness  
Of a seasick crocodile.  
Mr. Grinch.'_

Hum 'Darth Vaders' theme song whenever he enters a room.

Call him 'Itachi-kun'

Cut off all his ponytail and tell him his old 'do' was 'SO last century.'

Wake him up by singing Beach Boys songs in his ear. 'Round, round, get around, I get around...'

Buy him a stress ball

Tell him you think Sasuke is hotter than him (Even if you don't)

Whack him in the arm and say 'mosquito' - every few minutes.

**Deidara:**

Ask him how he got his hair so 'silky smooth'

Replace his cloak with a bright pink one.

Tell him that it will set off his already apparent 'Femininity'

Keep asking him whether he's a man or a woman.

When he says man, ask for proof.

If he refuses, get proof anyway ;)

Tell everyone he is 'involved' with Tobi.

Finish all your sentences with the words 'Hmph' 'Yeah' or 'Un'

Draw Chibi pictures of you and him.

Plaster them over the Akatsuki hideout

Call him 'DeiDei-kun'

Destroy his favourite clay models.

Wonder aloud whether the name Deidara commands as much respect as, say, Itachi or The Leader.

Tell him that its okay to cry about Sasori's death.

Refer to him as a 'Person' instead of 'Man' or even 'Woman'

Hum the 'Mission Impossible' theme tune whenever possible.

Call him a dumb blonde.

When he's done something particularly nasty - cross your arms, waggle a finger and say 'Now now, do you really think your mother would have approved of that?'

**Kisame:**

Sing the 'Jaws' theme tune whenever your with him.

Make him shark fin soup.

Take him to an aquarium and ask to meet his mother.

Show him the yaoi of him and Itachi.

Call him 'Kisamey-Wamey'

Demand to know why he always looks so blue :P

Tell him Tobi has a crush on him

Steal his sword and pretend to surfboard on it

Call him 'Sharky' or 'Shark Boy'

Buy him some fish for his birthday, when he forgets to feed them and they die, tell him he should feel very bad, because they were his second cousins.

Whenever he tries to say something, cough loudly.

Ask him: 'Did you even HAVE a girlfriend? Like, ever?'

Whack him in the arm and say 'mosquito' - every few minutes.

If he's stood next to you, use any possible means to be taller than him.

**Zetsu:**

Give Zetsu a huge bottle of weed-killer, and then ask him to go kill some nasty weeds. Make SURE when you hand it to him, the lid is loose. Then MAKE ABSOLUTELY SURE you drop it all over him and the rest of his coat.

Ask Zetsu why he wears a plant.

Tell Zetsu he's fat and don't allow him to eat meat anymore

**The Leader: **

Ask the leader why he is a ghost, and if he say 'I'm not a ghost' then stick your hand through his chest and scream that he is dead.

Ask Leader if the reason he wont show who he really is is because he's ugly.

Order everyone about.

Stalk him, and tell him you know he has his nose pierced.

Roll your eyes during plotting sessions and mumble 'Like that will work' and 'It's your funeral'

Ask him why he is so bossy

Greet him in the mornings with a sarcastic 'My sir, you look particularly menacing today.'

Tell everyone where the Akatsuki hideout is.

Whenever the Leader says Akatsuki add 'Are all gay' on the end.

Introduce him to Sakura Haruno.

**Sasori: **

Get Sasori and Deidara drunk, then lock in the same room for two hours and see what the results are.

Call him Pinocchio.

Sing 'I've Got No Strings' to him all the time.

Remind him that he will die. All the time.

When he is dead, destroy his puppets.

Continuously ask him to play dolls with you.

When he finally agrees, tell him "Dolls are for little girls" and walk off.

**Tobi: **

Force him to take off his mask to see if he is Obito.

Tell him you hate him, when you can't think of other ways to annoy him.

**Hidan**

Make fun of his religion.

When he chases you, run away screaming 'RAPE!'

Read Hidan's diary to the whole Organization, stressing the part "Dear Diary, All I ever wanted was a cute wittle bunny wunny and to skip through a field of beautiful flowers. Love, Princess Hidan"

Afterwards, call him a pansy

**Kakuzu**

Steal all of his money

Try to sell it back to him.

Go shopping, force him to come, and spend all of the Akatsuki's funds.

Trick Kakuzu into thinking the toilets are poisoned.

Squirt water on the front of Kakuzu's pants then yell "KAKUZU MADE WEE WEE!"

Buy him diapers.

Call him 'Scrooge'

**The Whole Lot:**

Give them all ridiculous nicknames.

Use those nicknames all of the time, especially when in front of enemies.

Get Tobi to sing the song 'That never ends'

Scream 'We're all doomed' whenever a battle approaches.

Show them the yaoi fanfiction featuring themselves.

Take their cloaks, and replace them with 'His and Hers' dressing gowns.

Laugh, as each team (Itachi + Kisame...Deidara + Tobi...etc..) argue over who gets the 'His' one.

Tell the Hokage all of Akatsuki's plans.

At Christmas time, force them all to wear Santa hats and pose for the 'Holiday Card' picture.

Send said cards to everyone.

Put a doorbell near the door of the headquarters, make sure it plays Pat Benetar's 'Love Is A Battlefield' whenever pressed.

Try and encourage Akatsuki to sing along:

'_We are strong, heartache to heartache we stand. No promises no demands, Love Is A Battlefield!'_

Cheer when Tobi joins in.

Insist that Michael Jackson's 'Smooth Criminal' is the Akatsuki's themetune.

Make a recording of it and play it loudly whenever you go somewhere with them.

Introduce yourselves as 'Smooth Criminals'

Steal a spare cloak, and just pretend to be a part of the Organisation because they won't let you join.

Whilst 'Pretending' tell anyone you pass that your all 'badass evil bitches'

If you happen to be walking, demand a piggyback from one of them.

Attach a skateboard to a piece of rope, tie the rope to one of their legs. Sit on the skateboard and be pulled along.

Write your own Akatsuki Fanfiction, and read it aloud.

Constantly scream: 'Itachi and Deidara are BRINGING SEXY BACK!'

Remind any members whom you have a crush on that you are 'Single And Lookin''

Knit them things. Really hideous things.

Keep a 'good-behaviour chart'. Award points and give out gold stars.

Assign them homework tasks.

Arrange a book club.

Force them to come.

Encourage them to 'Think Happy Thoughts'

Stare at them. Constantly.

Talk loudly to yourself about 'The Best Akatsuki Member'

Infuriate them by saying that Tobi is the most powerful.

Host a fancy dress party, and dress as your favourite Akatsuki member.

Get them to play 'Twister' with you.

Tell them you've met more people more evil than they are.

And finally, if they attempt to kill you; Lie and tell them that 'You know something they don't know' so that they must keep you alive.

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**So, that was that. But I love those evil dudes really! **


End file.
